Where Have I Been + Updates!

Hey beautiful creatures!

How are you all doing?

So I am aware that I have been away for such a long time and this one is mainly for my followers. First of all THANK YOU for following my blog and/or youtube! Sometimes I feel terrible because I feel like I am letting you all down. I want to kind of talk about a few things today.

But first where have I been? 

To be completely honest, I've just not been feeling great. I am mentally ill and quite severely depressed (which I am not using as an excuse) but sometimes I just don't want to put myself out there and interact. I have been having a difficult time with life at the moment! I don't want to be a debby downer but it's true and one of the main things I pride myself on is being open and honest. I'm not going to go too much into it but it stops me from doing a lot of things in real life and also online. Sometimes I think I can kind of be someone else online because no one knows me but I'm kind of sick of not being ME! 

Which brings me onto the point:

I hate the clothes/style I have! 

This might sound really stupid as I have a fashion blog, but honestly... I HATE "MY" STYLE!

Main reason being because it really isn't my style. It's not how I want to express myself, it's just my defense mechanism. I am actually a lot more "Alt" in real life. I tend to only really wear black and my style is and always has definitely been a bit different. Now I'm not saying I look completely goth or scene or emo or alternative or whatever sterotypical label normal people would give me, but I definitely dress differently from most of the people I know and my friends.

But I always cover it up on the internet and even in some extent on the internet. I don't know why and it actually really upsets me thinking I felt the need I HAVE to not express myself and dress the way I WANT to dress!

I really want to start dressing how I want to dress and I don't even give a shit anymore if I look weird. I've already started aiming my style a little bit more towards what I want it to be with my makeup and hair. But I've always warn reasonably dark makeup. I dyed my hair to be "different" but also to be happy. You see I am a very confused individual and after years of social anxiety and not fitting in (when I looked quote on quote "normal") I put my walls up. I dumbed down my identity and I sacrificed my self expression to fit in. But it never even worked. I wasn't anymore excepted and I just felt like a complete and utter sell out. 

I'm not saying I'm going to switch completely overnight and next time you see me I'll be in all black and have a shit load of piercings (though I do have a new tattoo and am planning my half sleeves! WAY more of a tattoo person that a piercing person!) and look completely different. Because it doesn't work that way. I'm not a poser or a wannabe, well in some respects I guess I am. But I just want to dress the way I want to dress. I  have no friends. At all! So it's not like I'm going to start dressing/looking this way to fit in with a certain scene or group of people. NO. I'm doing this for me. 

I'm sick and tired of trying to cover up who I am and who I want to be. If I want to wear all black, heavy makeup, backcombed hair and have tattoos, I will do that! I don't really care what people have to say to be honest and I don't care about being sterotyped. 

To be honest I just want to delete my old youtube and start again because I know this will probably start shit but I don't really care too much. That being said, even though I don't care if it starts shit (because I don't actually care about irrelivant people's opinions anymore) I just can't be bothered to DEAL with the shit. There is definitely a difference. I started this blog and my youtube to express myself but by being careful and even I guess FAKE I just am defeating the object of why I started it.

UPDATES:

I got a new tattoo on my arm. Go to my instagram @trisexplicit to see it!

I'm planning to get both my inner forearms ( I think that's the area LOL) completely done and have someone VERY special (HOPEFULLY) designing my tattoo design! EEEK!

I'm learning how to metalcore scream, growl and yell. (Wanted to do this forever!)

I'm start a solo metal project called Tris Explicit. 

I'm thinking of getting a lip piercing.

I am now 19!

I had a great birthday!

I *MAY* be seeing someone ;) 

And yes I can't really think of anything else to be honest. Apart from the fact that I am a lot happier with myself and my life than I have been for a while.

Hope this wasn't too boring. And here is the pic of what my hair was supposed to look like/did look like originally: 

OOTD- Going Gothic + BLOG UPDATES!

Hello darling's! Long time, no see!

So I have quite a few things I need to get off my chest as you may have noticed, if you keep up with this blog and/or have been a previous visitor. I haven't been posting :( 

MAIN REASON!:

I haven't really had the time or the motivation to blog! Long story short, I started college a couple of weeks ago and due to my social awkwardness, I needed a lot of time to prepare for that environment again!

That being said, I also lost my love and inspiration for blogging and youtube. I don't really have the most creative mind and I find it quite difficult to stick at things.

I am DEFINITELY back because I really love blogging and I really enjoy making youtube videos also!

I just need to make a little decision about what I want to do. I'm going to make a video making and blogging schedule and decide what "niches" and "genres" (I guess) I want my youtube and blogs to focus on!

Corset: Ebay

Now onto less boring things! I love playing dress up and a couple of months ago I went through one of my more "gothic" stages. I love symphonic metal music and after spending hours obsessing over my fave symphonic metal bands, ordering a ton of CDs and wasting my life away watching music videos, I decided to get all dolled up and channel my inner "goth chick".

So here is what I did:

My studded leather jacket is from Yours Clothing. It was around £35 in the sale (I can't REALLY remember the exact price in the sale because it was a couple months ago) and I wear it religiously. Even with "normal" outfits! I wish I had some close ups of the studding details, but it's beautiful!.

Ignore the incredibly awkward pose! 

The main outfit was made up of an awesome corset I bought ages ago from Ebay! It was about £20 excl. postage, which was a couple of pounds, and is great quality! I can't remember the actual seller, but it was a plus size Ebay lingerie store. I'd wanted a corset for ages and this one is a little bit too much now I've seen a few, but I love this one and will definitely be looking for some more to buy for when I get in a dress up mood!

I paired the corset with a long, black maxi skirt from Yours Clothing. I bought the skirt a year or so back and it fits really nice. It was around £24 if I remember correctly, but it's nothing special and I'm sure you could find a cheaper alternative somewhere. I wanted the look to be a bit more traditional, so that's why I wore a skirt instead of leggings or black jeans!

I also paired the outfit with some long, black satin gloves! I found these on amazon for a bit less than £10! I don't really know why I bought them to be honest but I really like them for adding something to outfits like this and I knew I would find a use for them one day!

My serious face says it all!

For makeup, I didn't want to overdo it with a black or purple lipstick (though I did actually try a couple different colours on) and I thought red might clash with the corset colours, so I went for a nude!

For the eyes, I wanted a dark, smokeyish look. I didn't actually get any pictures of the makeup itself so the above photo is the best I could do to be honest!

I don't think I did anything amazingly out of the ordinary here so I'll leave it at that for makeup!

I really enjoyed dressing like this and I actually recreated the look (minus gloves) for a professional photoshoot I did!

But this time I DID go with a dark purple lipstick!

I really enjoyed the gothic experience and I love the style in general!

Really hope you enjoyed my first blog post back!

http://www.whenshadowsremain.blogspot.co.uk

When Shadows Remain

Bridget-Nicole

xoxo